Last night, I realized something.
I am dependent on my friends. In my very small circle of friends, it seems as if they’re all doing their own thing. Whether it be with children, SOs, jobs, etc. That’s great…they’re making major moves. But I also noticed how I feel like I can’t do anything (atleast socially) without one of them. Can’t go out. Can’t take trips. It’s ridiculous. About the only thing I don’t feel like I need anyone to feel comfortable is my job and my home.
There will come or has come a time when we won’t all be able to get together for special events and games and homecomings. I’m just seeing that and understanding that now after all this time.
Then, I have been trying to let this thing go. Trying to be over it. But I am still hurt by some things and some people. I always try to look at the positive side of things and the good experiences with people. But sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks–the bad stuff—-and I’m like, what the fuck? Let’s just say “Resentment” is my theme song these days. The Jazmin Sullivan version.
So, I have to get grown and make a social life for myself. I have to do it or I will make myself miserable and I don’t want to be. I have to much life in me to live an unfulfilled, dull life. God has already blessed me beyond measure. Might as well keep the party going.
