Last night I cried over the Grey’s Anatomy finale. Not the little drops that I usually shed over damn near anything, but major crocodile tears. Sobbing. Over a television sitcom. There is power in hormones. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Today I am taking a gigantic step in adulthood and buying a house. After weeks of deals on and off of the table, postponed closing dates, loan processing fuck-ups and dealings with incompetent idiots, today is finally here. It’s the house that I want. Big enough for me, cute on the inside and outside with a small backyard that my grandmother can sit and relax in. The price is even better.
The day is finally here and I am depressed. I’m happy about the blessing that God is granting me, but right now at this very moment, I am not happy.
I am angry, aggravated and uneasy. I’m very interested to see how I will feel once those papers are signed, as I still won’t have the keys in my hand until Monday. I didn’t expect that anyway, but I’m just waiting. Praying to God to give me patience to do deal with things when they don’t go my way. Praying for a better and more grateful spirit. Praying that my ability to be the nice girl and internalize things, rather than lash out doesn’t take me to the hospital or the grave when I’m older. I have pretty much made myself sick due to stress that I didn’t even realize I was under.
It’s not healthy.
So in just less than three hours, hopefully, I should be “at the table.” Let’s see how this plays out.
