This weekend, I am one of them. One of those women who always look at men with the side-eye. Just waiting for them to mess up before things even begin. One of those women who has been hurt and either has or has not embraced that consciously, so she subconsciously sabotages relationships. Yes, this weekend, she is I and I am she. She is a Bitter Bitch.
And it’s a damn shame.
I’m mad. Mad as hell, actually and I didn’t even realize it. Who am I mad at? First: Me, myself and I. How have I allowed myself to attract, be attracted to or deal with men with such foolishness? How have I allowed myself to become so angry? I can be honest and tell you that a few nights I have been the CEO and senior party planner of Pity Parties R Us. It hasn’t solved anything thus far, so I have finally done what I should have done years ago. I sincerely prayed to God to take away the hurt and anger that I feel sometimes in my heart. I think I sent it in snail mail, instead of email because within 24 hours I have mentally cut men down with profane and tasteless words. Sorry. Can’t help it.
Second: Him. Him is a few different men. How dare you drop off of the face of the earth and insist that fate is what keeps us “together” (paired with great sex)? How can you tell the same lie repeatedly? How can I not speak up and call you on your shit?
What happened to dating? What happned to wanting to get to know a woman and taking her out to do something. Why are we in our late 20s/30s and you are asking to “come and see” me? To stop by and holler at me? We are grown, dude. Ri-damn-diculous!
I don’t even know what to say anymore. I’m tired of talking about it. Tired of bitching about it, sitting up looking mean and venting to friends about something that will never change. The only thing I can change is myself. I have standards and I must be upfront about them. I can’t feel bad about shutting people down. No, you can’t come to my house. No, you can’t sleep with me after an eon of time has passed. No, you can have me and her, too. No, no, no.
Well, I’ll be damned. Waiting to Exhale is on. How appropriate.
